Justin: In the Feast of Being Able to. Amen.

Radio Free Europe

A few years ago, while still at BUSINESS ACROSS THE WAY, we had a new hire who looked just like Radio. He was a nice guy but goofy as a pink cumber-bun.

I work for Michael Stevens! Wheeeee!

For some reason, Radio was certain that his voice was so very fantastic that everyone in the office would want to hear him singing along to his music. So he would do that thing people did in 1983 with their cassette Walkmans that were the size of toasters… he’d act like he didn’t realize he was singing as loud as he was, and he’d sing with the fervor and affectation of Aretha Franklin on a 5 hour energy drink. It was supremely entertaining to the rest of us, for about two minutes. Then it just got old.

In the first days before he got his own user name and login, he had already been “caught” several times “accidentally” singing out loud to his music.

We took to calling him P-diddy. He faked not liking this nickname, but secretly he was insanely pleased that his phenomenal vocals, surreptitiously exposed to us all, had earned him this flattering nickname. He feigned humility.

He insisted, quite unconvincingly, that we NOT call him P-Diddy. But then he got his username and password. Mike went to him. “Open up your email.” He did so. “Open that email, right there.”

Username: robertt2
Password: pdiddy2

“Awwww, no dawg, no way.”
“Wow. I swear,” Mike insisted, “the system randomly generated that password.
“Really?”

So, he embraced the name from then on because apparently it was fate, but we did have to ask him to stop singing at the top of his lungs in the breakroom. Above the ceiling tiles in the office was a vast open space the size of the building. When he’d begin bellowing, even our callers wondered what was up. “Sorry, Stevie Wonder is on the Radio,” we’d tell them.

And on a side note, the title of this post makes me think: did you realize that, yes, indeed, Radio Free Europe has no further intelligible lyrics? Stipe intended that. Just gibberish and random words. Which is all the better for the shower.

My version:
Moon’s the madness,
The Eagle voice has land!

Ted’s face – the target,
for Stephanie’s quick right hand!

PUNCH THE face! PUNCH THE face!
Ska-DOOSH the gnomes out INTO SPACE!

RADIO FREE EUROPE!
SHOWER IN… A FREE EUROPE!

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