Justin: In the Feast of Being Able to. Amen.

I long for your embrace.

5pm Tues

Schelia and I are not dating. We have known each other since Jr. High, at which time she claims I canceled a date for a dance so I could go with another girl (Trish?), thus breaking her heart and forever scarring her psyche. Everyone here knows the full story since Schelia told it publicly the first day I walked into work last year. I have ZERO recollection of this supposed pubescent cancellation.

About 2 weeks ago, Michael sat down at my desk when I stood up to pace. I went to the kitchen and when I returned, he had left for me, at my desk, a hand-written note from me to Schelia.

Schelia,
How I love you… no really… I really want
to feel your loving embrace.
yours,
Justin

Now, Mike is a ceaselessly silly tard. He adds great life to his leadership role here, and he enjoys laughing and joking, sometimes pushing the limits a tad. But all in good fun.

So when he came back in my office later, I made sure he saw me throw the note away. And when he left, I took it from the trash.

This morning, I handed the note to Schelia and simply said, “I didn’t write this, Mike did. Wanna have some fun?”

Now, before pasting the correspondence, you must understand that all agents here have access to 2 emails. The first is their personal one, and the second is a common address that all can send from and when replied to, all will receive. The latter is the heart of our web-based servicing system and is monitored by all with vigilance.

Unfortunately, people sometimes forget, when sending a personal email, to change the drop-down FROM address from the common one to their personal one. What takes place is that their email goes to their intended recipient, but if that person simply hits “reply”, that reply email comes back to our common address, from where it was sent.

*evil grin*

So after lunch our plot sprung into action, with Schelia sending me an email from the common address to my personal one.

Justin,
I really don’t know how to start this letter, but I found a letter folded up in the supply room and it was to me from you. Something told me to read it. To my suprise it was to me from you.

I know we are 2 totally different people, (opposites attract) but we have known eachother for a long time and I have thought of you quite often over the years. Wondering what you were up to and maybe even what it could have been like to be with someone like you. I also know that you are kinda shy and always have been, since your friend had to give a note from you in school. Please don’t hesitate to express to me how you feel. I think we are good enough friends to be able to open up to eachother. I don’t know if you were going to give me the letter and then backed out, but it found it’s way to me, possibly by God. Maybe this is something we should explore.

I will wait for your response patiently..
Always,
Schelia

So, all i had to do was hit “reply” and the response to her went to the entire division, along with her original mail, above.

Schelia,
Even though we already talked about this, I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry this happened. Mike is a smacktard and didn’t mean any harm. He really does like you and he was just messing with me. I do think the world of you and appreciate you being discreet about our relationship.
Justin

This email had the desired effect. There was an uncomfortable silence across throughout the building. At about 2:15, Johnna, the 1st shift team lead came into my office red faced and smiling. She sat down and said, “uh, Justin, I need to, uhm, know if you there is something… people keep messaging me asking about you and Schelia.” After a minute of putting on, I let her in on it, but she swore secrecy.

After a few more “accidental” public exchanges between Schelia and I, everyone in the office believed it was real. Together, we made people blush with embarrassment for us that I didn’t know could blush.

Later afternoon, Schelia went into Mike’s office and distraught, told him she couldn’t face the office any more after this had all happened. Already terrified of how to handle it all, Mike began to attempt to console her, assuring her he was on the phone with I.T. as we speak trying to get access to pull the email off the servers before 2nd shift arrived to see it, to minimize the situation.

And then it almost all turned very bad.

“I mean, Schelia, everyone here knows you have a crush on Justin.”
Dramatic silence.
“They do?”
“Yes, anyone who has been here for a year knows your story about the dance in Jr. High and…”

Running as fast as bad knees could take me, I entered the scene with others hot on my tail to unveil the masterpiece of trickery. When he finally realized what was happening, Mike began to laugh and cry. “I think that is the best I have ever been gotten,” he confessed.

Wed 10 A.M.
The joke was the talk of a confused 2nd shift, and we didn’t bother to take the mails from the server, so 3rd shift spent the night thinking the emails were real.

Then this morning Schelia messaged me, “You know, if I really did have a crush on you, that whole thing would have been awkward.”

/facepalm

You must be logged in to post a comment.