Justin: In the Feast of Being Able to. Amen.

Our Forefathers Drove Jeeps

Chilling at the Alma BK, checking work mail, sipping coffee. I haven’t posted in a while, so I figured I’d just pull out one of the many entries that I wrote but didn’t post.

From 2/26/13

I don’t subscribe to cable. In fact, last week I gave my digital antenna away to someone who would use it, so I don’t even GET channels. But I if I did… I likely would not have watched the Super Bowl last weekend.

This morning a buddy msg’d me that I needed to watch the Jeep commercial. It is a long, dramatic one, narrated by Oprah, that basically exploits American patriotism, soldiers, and their sacrifices to sell Jeep. I found it extremely offensive.

Maybe jeep dealerships will start using genuine sewn cloth American flags as the temporary floor mats that mechanics always leave in your car when you take it in for service. Or maybe they could hire some veterans to work at their dealerships, on the condition that they always wear their military uniforms to work. Of course, anyone with a purple heart would be hired first, and OBVIOUSLY required to wear it each day on the sales lot.

With each purchase, the dealership speaker system would blast out, across the entire car lot, Lee Greenwood’s “I’m proud to be an American.” Depending on local ordinances, fireworks would accompany Lee.

A projector would be in place under the outside awning to cast a huge video on the outer wall of the dealership, of the raising of the flag on Mt. Surbachi. This video would alternate with one of our soldiers who was killed in action being carried in procession from a cargo plane. Across the side of the plane would read JEEP.

Yes, I’m being crass, but with all my heart I believe companies like Jeep would use these very tactics… will use these very methods… in time.

This make me want to make a Chevy commercial with slaves being beaten on a plantation, and Union soldiers liberating them. then dying on screen while the voice of a famous midget narrates, “FOR THOSE HEROES WHO ARE BIGGER THAN LIFE… OR AT LEAST BIGGER THAN ME… WHO SET THE CAPTIVES FREE… ”

And then it will show the midget narrator running, midget style, across a Civil War cemetery. From headstone to headstone he leaps, until finally he hops in a Chevy Volt…

…Then hops back out the other side wearing his Civil War re-enactment gear, with a rifle musket 4x his height. Then he suddenly unfurls a poster, but it’s too long, so he has to climb up on the hood of the Volt. The poster unfurls to the ground and it’s MLK, and the midget says, THIS IS WHY I PRETEND FIGHT.

Chevy volt.
Because people died.

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